I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
