I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
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What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
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