guys are only as good as the porn they watch
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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