i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
