You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
