Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
