Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
