do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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