is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
