So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
