dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
