don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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