i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Randomize
