Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
