I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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