'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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