I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
