i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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