I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
