youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
high people should be assigned attendants
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
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