Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
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