I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Randomize
