My Higher Power is John Stamos
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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