This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
You're like a care bear with a big cock & a sexual prowess that would put the mighty Thor to shame.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
