but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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