That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
