if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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