just survived the first fart of the relationship.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
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