My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
