i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
