friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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