Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
You're a waste of cheezeits
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
All I want is dick and wine.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Randomize
