Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
