That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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