go do what you do best...puke behind churches
Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
After tacos, we're chasing women.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Randomize
