Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
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Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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