Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
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