Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
