is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
