So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Randomize
