when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
