Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
