First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
