I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
