you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Randomize
