My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
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