Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Randomize
