is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
