Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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