I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
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