Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
