hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
