can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
