I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
dude i'm inner monologue high
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize