I think I just saw someone hide a body.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
