She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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