Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
