My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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