if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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