I can tuck mytits in my pants
I hope mine doesn't look like that
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
