U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
