I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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