isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
