69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize