yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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