My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
