You can't motorboat a personality
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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