Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
