she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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