The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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