Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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