The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
