My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Randomize
