i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
