Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize
